im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
