2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
