I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
