apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize