Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
