How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize