Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
