I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize