Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got inside last night via doggy door
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
