I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
