i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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