it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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