Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
where are my pants?
in the oven.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
