Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
