So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sext me about skeletons
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
