he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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