My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
