Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize