i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
