He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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