I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
