just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
