I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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