wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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