Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
