Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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