Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
