So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
