I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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