A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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