Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
