you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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