guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
