This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
