He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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