my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
