I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
