He asked me if I "almost moaned"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
