I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
