She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
