dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize