dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
