She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
