Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't turn off my feet"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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