that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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