Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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