DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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