i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
