we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
