i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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