You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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