I just pynch a tree in the face
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
