i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And then he peed in my hair
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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