I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
