I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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