He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
