I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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