dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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