Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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