and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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