Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
