great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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