so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
