there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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