That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
