My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize