Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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