I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
