Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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