Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
