On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
