youre lurking in front of me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
