Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
