I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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