That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
