On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
