Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
