Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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