I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
