i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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