real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
