dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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