The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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