Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
