there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize