Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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