two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
